"Wii Elbow"

The unconditional love shown by international media for Nintendo's peculiar new console, the Wii, was never a state that could last. The tendency to want to unseat that which is placed on a pedestal normally takes time to make itself known - in this case the Wii has been drawing fire only days after its US launch.

Heralded for everything from its eccentric control mechanics to its comparatively low price, the backlash (or in the case of UK media, "forelash") has begun on a number of fronts.

Firstly the control method, which sees you waving a remote control-style 'wand' to interact with games, has been causing a new condition dubbed by the Wall Street Journal, "Wii elbow".

As if that weren't enough, early reports of wrist-exhaustion after only an hour or two of play don't bode well for epics like Zelda: Twilight Princess.

And for those with large, fragile TV sets, there's a report of one unlucky gamer losing his grip on the Wii-mote during a crucial swing and breaking the screen of his 60" rear projection TV in the process.

Others with large screen TVs have found it difficult to set up the sensor bar to detect their movements accurately.

The reality is that given that Wii is a new and family-friendly item of consumer technology that most observers think will be purchased alongside an Xbox 360 or PS3, and that it's arriving just in time for Christmas, that none of this will matter one bit to eager punters.

Indian men have small dicks... compared to condoms. Fact.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

Mummy, why is my hair falling out?

Does this not worry anyone?.............

Polonium 210

Italian Mario Scaramella, a contact of dead ex-spy Alexander Litvinenko, has tested positive for polonium-210.
The wife of dead ex-spy Alexander Litvinenko has tested positive for polonium-210.

Former Russian acting Prime Minister Yegor Gaidar became violently ill during a visit to Ireland last week, and his daughter Maria told the BBC that doctors believe he was poisoned.
British intelligence sources increasingly suspect that the former spy, killed by polonium 210, was the victim of a plot involving “rogue elements” within the Russian state, it was reported today. While ruling out any official involvement by Vladimir Putin’s government, investigators believe only those with access to state nuclear laboratories could have mounted such a sophisticated plot. Officials now go so far as to say that the involvement of individuals within the FSB in the affair is “probable”.

Movladi Baysarov, a lieutenant colonel from Chechnya with the federal security service (the FSB, the successor to the KGB), was gunned down in central Moscow two weeks ago.
Polonium 210 is now being sold over the internet for USD $69/dose by infamous UFO prankster Bob Lazar.

This would appear to be the site.
“Misc Radioactive Items”…!
The Wikipedia page on Lazar is a reasonable start.

Borat - a biography

Borat is a reporter, born in 1972 in Kuçzek, Kazakhstan. He is the son of Asimbala Sagdiyev and Boltok the Rapist, who is also his maternal grandfather. He is also the former husband of Oksana Sagdiyev, who was the daughter of Mariam Tuyakbay and Boltok the Rapist. His relationship with his mother seems to be unpleasant, and Borat has commented that "she wishes she was raped by another man." Borat has a sister named Natalya, regarded as the fourth-best prostitute in Kazakhstan, and with whom he often fornicates, and a younger brother named Bilo, who is mentally retarded and must be kept locked behind a metal door or in a cage. In an interview, Borat said, "My brother Bilo has a small head but very strong arms. He have 204 teeth (193 in mouth 11 in nose)! You can do anything to him - he do not remember nothing! He is a sex crazy ... all day long he in his cage look on porno & rub rub rub!"
Borat attended the Astana University, where he studied English, journalism, and plague research. He has been married several times, once to his half-sister's plough. His first wife was Oksana Sagdiyev, another half-sister. She was shot and killed by neighbour Nursultan Tuyakbay, who mistook her for a bear, while accompanying her brother-in-law Bilo on a walk in the forest. Borat was largely unaffected by this event and even celebrated it, as he was able to buy a new wife who he claimed was not boring. He maintains extramarital relations with a girlfriend, a mistress and at least one prostitute. He has three children: 12-year-old Bilak, 12 year-old Biram (whose mother is Borat's sister, Natalya), and 11 year-old Hooeylewis (his favourite child); and seventeen grandchildren. Borat used to have a pet pig, Igor, whom he claims to have loved, although he and his family eventually did eat it, including the eyes. He has had many jobs ranging from ice maker to animal sperm retriever (he claims that rumours of a connection between these jobs are unfounded). He also claims to have previously worked as a Gypsy catcher, boasting that he can "hit a gypsy with a rock from fifteen meters away if chained — ten if not". He also claims that he can carry a woman against her will and has done so, once carrying his future wife for 1600 meters (one mile).
Borat's hobbies include ping pong, disco dancing, sunbathing, shooting dogs, and taking pictures of women on the toilet. In addition to being a sexist and a homophobe, Borat is prejudiced against Jews, Uzbeks and Gypsies. Borat has said that he once suffered a "very bad Gypsy attack," in which his wife Oksana Sagdiyev's plough was stolen and "they touch my horse in very bad way; it get depressed for very long time". Borat claims to have the tightest anus of his village, tight enough to open a bottle of Pepsi. He has had many diseases including gonorrhorea, syphilis and herpes.

Edison Hate Future

Oh my, that's large!

No no, I'm not talking about my exceptionally large wang. I'm talking about the heeeyouge gun that Optimus seems to be carrying in the new TF movie. Here's a pic, taken as part of a teaser poster by the looks of things.......

RANDOMMMM!!

Just bumped into this, and its weird...


I can still recall old Mister Barnslow ... getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his.Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune,and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!We all thought he was crazy.

Sounds like he was a f*cking nutter to me!

This IS Megatron

Seems my collegue was right with the Megatron post. Here are the official artworks of what he/it will look like. Looks pretty goddam motherlovin' beastly.........

More Transformers News

Here's a list of the bots that will fewature in the TF movie, as well as some new pics and links!! (and for those computer geeks out there, the official movie game is in production from Activision and is set to release on the same day as the movie)

Autobots
Optimus Prime (18 Wheeler, Semi), Ironhide (Pickup Truck), Ratchet (Ambulance), Jazz (Exotic Sportscar), Bumblebee (Chevy Camaro).

Decepticons
Megatron (Black Jet), Starscream (F-22 Raptor Jet), Scorponok (Metallic Scorpion), Vortex (US Military Helicoptor), Brawl (Ford Mustang Police Car), Soundwave (Portable Boombox Radio), Infiltrator (formerly Devestator - Custom Tank), Bonecrusher (Mine Clearing Vehicle).

Production shot of Bumblebee in all his glory

Jazz

Barricade

And here are what look like early CGI clips of test 'transformations'. This is NOT what Optimus will look like by the way, he is confirmed to look like a dark blue Kenworth style truck with red/orange flames on the front .

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=310525832158046051

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7957698628327913835

More Venom

For those who are interested, here is a higher detailed version of the teaser poster from Sony, showing the symbiote in more detail. The logo on his chest is meant to be made of the black 'veins', it is just doctered for this pic to make it visible...........

Quick freeze-frame from the film itself. Ignore the red lines!....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand here we have a leaked but blurry in-film shot of the tranformation in progress, filmed at the San Diego Comic-Con. In case you can't see very well, Brock/Venom falls to his knees with his head down, then as the camera flies towards him, he looks up and opens his mouth, the camera flying inside. If the footage is accurate, there's every chance I'll get sued for this. But balls to it.........

VENOM

Things that are wrong

I'm more scared of this than I was of the real Vader when I was 5!

Optimus Prime revealed

Fear not, Transformers fans! It was made official that Peter Cullen, the voice behind Optimus Prime in the original Transformers cartoons and films all those years ago, WILL reprise his role in next years live-action movie. Marvelous.

Venom IS in Spidey 3. Fact.

*spolier alert*

At the San Diego Comic Convention, there was great excitement as a little Q&A was held with the cast and stars of Spider-Man 3. The most exciting bit was the trailer footage of Eddie Brock becoming Venom. Yes, it is official, Venom is indeed in the film in all it's glory. Many thought that the third installment was just an introduction of the symbiote, that it would just engulf Peter Parker and Venom would appear in the next film, but ooooooooooh no. To quote a rather gleeful reporter after seeing the trailer, "Venom is fucking great!". Quite.

Here is the teaser poster of the action occuring, followed by said reporters description of the events. As I said, spoilers WILL occur..............

"The footage opened with Topher dipping his fingers, crossing himself in a church. He looks completely distraught, eyes red... he looks like life has beaten him down. His voice wavers and he prays. He's alone in the church. He asks God for his help. "It's Brock, sir. Edward B-brock Jr. (stutters) I'm here... humbled and humiliated... to ask you for one thing... I want you to kill Peter Parker." Then a bunch of stuff happened that I'll get to in a second. The trailer ended with Topher and Venom.

There was a montage of quick clips of Tobey Maguire at the top of the bell tower ripping the black suit off him. "I have to stop it." The SPIDER-MAN 3 logo comes up and you think that's it... but then we saw some unfinished effects of the symbiote dripping down, falling towards Topher Grace who is looking up. One drop falls and hits his right hand, immediately wrapping around his hand. The bulk of the symbiote hits him and wraps around him, pulling him to the ground, totally engulfing him. A cut and the camera is low to the ground a good distance away. It Raimi-cams EVIL DEAD style towards the black bulking mass. As it gets near the mass, Venom's head whips up looking straight into camera, which doesn't slow down and ends up rushing into his mouth where it goes to black.

Venom's face. Exactly what you want to see. Big, big toothy mouth, bright white eyes. Looks just like the later McFarlane Venom face."

Sony lose the plot!!

Sony has patented technology that would prevent its PlayStation consoles from playing used, rented or borrowed video games — raising questions about whether the electronics and entertainment giant may attempt to redefine what it means to own something in the digital age.Sony has said little about the technology, patented in Japan in 2000, or how it might be deployed. But speculation over Sony's plans has sparked a furor online as game fans and consumer advocates fret that the company may incorporate it into the upcoming PlayStation 3 console, due to hit stores this Christmas.

They worry that it would wipe out the $1-billion-a-year market for used games and could even prevent someone from playing their games at a friend's house.It is not unusual for technology companies to patent innovations and then never incorporate them into products.Documents filed in April 2000 with the U.S. Patent Office describe a method of copy protection by which the game system would verify a disc as legitimate, register the disc to that particular game console, then wipe out verification data so the disc would be rendered unreadable in other PlayStations."Since only titles for which legitimate software has actually been purchased and which have been initially registered in the machine table can be used, resale (so-called used software purchase) after purchase by an end user becomes practically impossible," according to the patent documents.

Microsoft also prepares to administer another cockpunch to Sony as it will cut 360 prices before Christmas!

Ho ho ho

Hotter Than Hell!

No this isn't a blog about me. Instead, I'd like to share with you the fact that over the last couple of days, the UK has been HOTTER than Brazil. This is ludicrous, the British do not understand what heat is in this country, that's why we flock in our thousands to the continent and terrorise their bars and clubs every summer. If things carry on like this, we'll all be staying here for our summer holidays. If this happens, violent crime would plummet in countries such as Spain, Germany and Czech Republic. Police and... yes.... maybe even armed forces.. would be out of work, being forced to scrounge a living as coach drivers and time-share agents, leaping on the few unsuspecting tourists that dribble in from other countries.

Please. Think of the foreign police and their families. It's our God-given right as members of the British Empire, our tradition.... to piss off abroad in a drunken rage.

Words Of Wisdom......

..... feel the inspiration

Sea creature?

It's a jellyfish. Why, what were you thinking?

The Beautiful Game

Wonderful ball control..... yes.... simply..... mmmm

Jesus: What REALLY happened

I'm going to a 'special' Hell for this one.

Any girls willing to do this?

Showing a fine ass in the middle of the road, classy.

Riding Motorcycles #1 - Don't let go

"Ooooo wave to the crowd, wave to the....CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP......!!!!"

Woman beats man with dead dog

A woman accused of pummeling a dog breeder over the head with a dead Chihuahua has been charged with two misdemeanors and reimbursed the money she paid for the puppy.
Lisa Lynn Hopfer, 33, of Wentzville, was charged with trespassing and third-degree assault in the June 7 incident, authorities said.
No listed phone number for Hopfer was available. A man at her home who declined to identify himself told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch Friday that "there's another side to the story," but declined to elaborate.
Hopfer told police she had taken the puppy to a veterinarian, who said it was only 4 weeks old and needed to be returned to its mother. But before she could return the puppy named Chloe, it died.
Authorities said Hopfer went to the breeder's home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy, police said.
Linda Hulsey, 33, of St. Peters, wrestled the woman out of her house to the front porch, where the woman then hit the breeder over the head numerous times with the dead puppy, police said.
Hulsey said she was hit with the dead puppy at least 30 times and went to a hospital for her bruises, but had no serious injuries. She said she was upset that Hopfer had accused her of selling the puppy too young and said the puppy was two days shy of 6 weeks old.
Hulsey said she later returned the $100 that Hopfer had paid for the dog.

Semen makes you happy

That's the remarkable conclusion of a study comparing women whose partners wear condoms with those whose partners don't. The study, which is bound to provoke controversy, showed that the women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. The researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they have ruled out other explanations. "I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," says Gordon Gallup, the psychologist at the State University of New York who led the team. "Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen." The team found that depressive symptoms and suicide attempts were more common among women who used condoms regularly compared with those who didn't. The results will appear in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. The results aren't a complete surprise because semen does contain several mood-altering hormones, including testosterone, oestrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone, luteinising hormone, prolactin and several different prostaglandins. Some of these have been detected in a woman's blood within hours of exposure to semen. The question many people will ask is whether oral sex could have the same mood-enhancing effects. "Since the steroids in birth control pills survive the digestion process, I would assume that the same holds true for at least some of the chemicals in semen," Gallup says.

I wonder how she got so bendy?

"I'll soon get the dirt out from under this nail" thought Sarah, failing to notice Tim had just broken both her legs with a claw hammer.

What I'm REALLY interested in, however, is what she plans to do with that brown object just to the right of the chair......?

There is hope!

boobs.

There are some things you simply shouldn't ever do......

..... and sometimes you just can't resist wondering what Satan's arse tastes like.

Mini-Mr.T wanted in connection with missing girl

Taken shortly before the stick finds itself in her cerebral cortex.

Lord almighty those are some tight jeans....

No idea what's going on here but I've never wanted to be a toilet seat so much in all my life.

Aqua-marines

Hear`s a story that appealed to my geeky childish side about exploding water. The article explains how boiling water in a microwave can be BAD!

Water Bomb

Contradictory

I`m sorry but i disagree.

Transformers: The Movie

offical site

Rumour has it that for the new live action Transformers movie, the bots themselves have moved on with the times. An example being some of the old favourites, like Jazz, swapping their old cars for new more modern ones. However, bad news is a leaked script indicates a baffling array of product placement, with some bots able to turn into iPods and Xbox 360's and even a plasma TV! Not sure I like this idea, it was bad enough in I Robot. But where the items in Big Willy's blockbuster were fairly inate, like a JVC CD player, you would expect the Transformers products to have some sort of meaning. I mean, how helpful is being able to become a 360? How can that POSSIBLY save the world?.... Unless it grows massive legs and huge guns and can pulverize a tank from 500 yards, then throw monkeys at it, give it the finger, and walk off triumphantly into the sunset.

Pocket Rocket Man

Here`s a story for ya, not sure how old it is but it nearly made me wet myself. I know it sounds a little sick but what a prick.

Cock Rocket

Water and wine education.

WATER......

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we will have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia Coli bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking WINE (or rum, whiskey, vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = POOP
WINE = HEALTH

It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t than to drink water and be full of sh*t.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I am doing it as a public service.

Cactus Woman

From one of the best websites on the planet, Warren Ellis, comes a true story. I hope anyway because its so f*cking hilarious.


In Yerevan in the former Soviet republic of Armenia, 18-year-old girl Narine Aivasyan shocked doctors with her unusual disease. The girl complained about an abscess on her wrist that had been hurting her for a long period already. When doctors opened the bandage on Narine`s hand they saw two very thin thorns sticking out of the hand. The girl was fond of pot plants and devoted much time to looking after her plants. Once, Narine pricked herself on a cactus while watering plants. Some thorns got stuck in her wrist. The parents immediately disinfected the wound but it still festered and even expanded. Narine was reluctant to visit a doctor. She had to go to a hospital in a month when a point of a thorn emerged on the skin right on the place of the red wound. Doctors easily removed the strange object, but more thorns turned up on the same spot soon.
Head of the immunology and virology laboratory at the Armenia research center Tigran Davtyan says the world medicine has never known before that herbal cells may settle down and parasitize on the organism of a human or an animal. Deeper study of the thorns removed out of the girl`s wrist confirmed their vegetative origin. It turned out that the thorns belonged to a cactus that many people had at home.
The only way to save the girl was to perform an operation to remove the fistula to stop the cactus from parasitizing all about the organism. When researchers studied the bigger thorns they arrived at a conclusion that they were no longer of vegetative origin. As a result of mutation, the patient got new unknown cells, some sort of a hybrid of a human and a plant. In other words, the young girl was turning into a cactus!

The Adventures of Cactus Girl

Random Entry Alert!!

I`m not sure that you would get many visitors with this, must buy door bell.

This man is God.

warren ellis

Return Of The Crack Whore

Thanks to Jimbeef (He`s the monkey in the arty pic!! No he`s not gay) for that wonderful insight into our sick and twisted little worlds. Allow me, Captain Crack Whore to shed some more light onto our f**ked up lives. We both obviously enjoy writing, talking and reading obscene and random crap. Our job is extremely fulfilling, if your a lobotomised chimp, and we spend our days trying to amuse ourselves as we see fit . Come back again and again to see what we find out what sh*te we`ve come across and also perhaps a new sidekick into the world of buttery cats as another contorted fool may be joining our little clan. Please do leave info on yourselves and revel in our world of polyunsaturated monkey spreads!

The world as we see it.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "If I drop a cat on the floor, will it land buttered side up?". Maybe. But if the more curious of you are probably wondering who the hell we are. Allow me to enlighten you.

We are a pair of maniacal scientists with a love for all things weird, wonderful, amusing and just plain filthy. I myself enjoy the musings of the comic book world, teach martial arts and am a bit of a student of the orient. Crack Whore enjoys the world of cars and even engages in a spot of track racing on the odd occassion. Both of us are into films, boobs, TV, gaming and all those geeky things that keep us up well into the dark hours of this damp and dreary little corner of the planet.

I hope you enjoy your journey into our world, we'll keep you updated whenever we possibly can. Don't be afraid to interact either! Talk to us..... leave comments.... make us feel loved.

Come to our bosom. Love thy Neighbour. Butter thy cat.

X-Cat The beginning of the End!

Howdy all you cat buttering monkeys, this is the first post of many from the Crack Whore and Jimbeef. I know that it sounds like some kind of LSD crazed crime fighting duo but... your right we are. Keep your eye on this space for all kinds of crap from our opinions (which are extremely important may I add) to any new words that we hear from the street. Of course how can i forget, your opinions and feedback are nearly as important. Keep your eyes open and things will happen!!