Thursday, November 16, 2006

Borat - a biography

Borat is a reporter, born in 1972 in Kuçzek, Kazakhstan. He is the son of Asimbala Sagdiyev and Boltok the Rapist, who is also his maternal grandfather. He is also the former husband of Oksana Sagdiyev, who was the daughter of Mariam Tuyakbay and Boltok the Rapist. His relationship with his mother seems to be unpleasant, and Borat has commented that "she wishes she was raped by another man." Borat has a sister named Natalya, regarded as the fourth-best prostitute in Kazakhstan, and with whom he often fornicates, and a younger brother named Bilo, who is mentally retarded and must be kept locked behind a metal door or in a cage. In an interview, Borat said, "My brother Bilo has a small head but very strong arms. He have 204 teeth (193 in mouth 11 in nose)! You can do anything to him - he do not remember nothing! He is a sex crazy ... all day long he in his cage look on porno & rub rub rub!"
Borat attended the Astana University, where he studied English, journalism, and plague research. He has been married several times, once to his half-sister's plough. His first wife was Oksana Sagdiyev, another half-sister. She was shot and killed by neighbour Nursultan Tuyakbay, who mistook her for a bear, while accompanying her brother-in-law Bilo on a walk in the forest. Borat was largely unaffected by this event and even celebrated it, as he was able to buy a new wife who he claimed was not boring. He maintains extramarital relations with a girlfriend, a mistress and at least one prostitute. He has three children: 12-year-old Bilak, 12 year-old Biram (whose mother is Borat's sister, Natalya), and 11 year-old Hooeylewis (his favourite child); and seventeen grandchildren. Borat used to have a pet pig, Igor, whom he claims to have loved, although he and his family eventually did eat it, including the eyes. He has had many jobs ranging from ice maker to animal sperm retriever (he claims that rumours of a connection between these jobs are unfounded). He also claims to have previously worked as a Gypsy catcher, boasting that he can "hit a gypsy with a rock from fifteen meters away if chained — ten if not". He also claims that he can carry a woman against her will and has done so, once carrying his future wife for 1600 meters (one mile).
Borat's hobbies include ping pong, disco dancing, sunbathing, shooting dogs, and taking pictures of women on the toilet. In addition to being a sexist and a homophobe, Borat is prejudiced against Jews, Uzbeks and Gypsies. Borat has said that he once suffered a "very bad Gypsy attack," in which his wife Oksana Sagdiyev's plough was stolen and "they touch my horse in very bad way; it get depressed for very long time". Borat claims to have the tightest anus of his village, tight enough to open a bottle of Pepsi. He has had many diseases including gonorrhorea, syphilis and herpes.